So one of my clients asked me earlier this week if I ever yell at my kids. The question came after she had watched the video ezine I filmed last week while I was in Colorado. Jude, my 9 year old, jumped in the background while I was filming and she asked if it bothered me. Believe me this would have bothered me a few years ago, but that was when I was struggling with perfectionism and deeply caring what other people thought of me. For the most part I no longer care (unless I’m feeling super vulnerable), and in this situation found myself instead thinking how proud and happy I was to have my son be able to express himself! It actually inspired him to create his own video afterward on determination. He built his first snow fort ever and was so proud 🙂 Lots of good things happen when we let ourselves and other just be.


So back to the yelling at the kids question. My answer? A whopping “yes”! Of course I do. I yell at my kids, yell at my husband and yell at my dog. Well maybe not the dog, but you get my drift. Of course I do, I’m human. Even though my bigger perspective is about love, us all being eternal, and creating a life of connection – I am still human. I am having a human experience and I still let my emotions get the better of me. I still get angry, sad, scared and worried. BUT I don’t stay in those spaces for very long thankfully, which is die to a ton of personal development work. So I do slip like most of you reading this. What I do to shift it is even more important. I go curious – WHY am I feeling this way? What is off right now and what do I need? All of these negative emotions come from fear in some way, shape or form. When I lose patience with the kids it almost always leads back to something being off in my self-care routine, which correlates directly to boundary setting. Sometimes the kids are “off” too – by not listening, being snappy, etc. You know the drill. If that’s the case, I try (involves an insurmountable amount of patience when they’re in that place to not react back), to go curious with them and figure out what is going on. I have definitely found the more love I give them the more the situation balances back out and we can talk about what is happening. If I stay in anger mode, nothing good comes out of that state. What it leads to is feeling like a bad person. It triggers all kinds of negative emotions like shame, blame and being unlovable at the core. The ego at its finest. It wants us to stay feeling bad about ourselves, and when we start to see life and business through that lens it’s detrimental to us thriving and being successful. Shift it and sift it fast.


Back to self-care and boundaries. When I feel myself losing patience it’s usually my “stuff” coming up and when I go curious I realize almost always something is off. Whether my morning routine has been lacking or lack of time to myself. Upon further analysis, it usually means my boundaries are weak. I realize I’ve started saying “yes” to more things I don’t truly want to be doing, I’m less strict around how much time I’m spending on certain tasks and have fallen into the old pattern of putting everyone else’s needs first.


It’s an easy and also empowering fix. I start being firm in what I want to do – meaning when it’s not an absolute “yes”, I say “no” with respect and kindness. It can be uncomfortable at first, but once you practice it becomes easier. It then becomes empowering to take control of your life and do the things you want to be doing, and it also instills confidence and creates a healthy self-esteem.


What I’ve also come to realize is setting boundaries doesn’t just pertain to social invitations and work opportunities. It also applies to spouses (partners), and kids. I read in Brene Brown’s book “Rising Strong” the other day that she grew-up trying to be fun and flexible, and not rock the boat. I think a lot of us feel this way – we want to behave in order to receive love, acceptance and approval. What happens though, is we didn’t tend to take a stand for own emotional needs. It’s okay to ask for what we want and tell our partners and kids what we need. Their needs can wait sometimes. We don’t need to drop everything and lose track of our own needs. For me it’s the small stuff. I’ve always been really open about the bigger things in life, but with the day-to-day I do slip into people pleaser mode. I didn’t realize that’s what it was after working so hard on setting boundaries all of these years, but it was. It’s just with my won immediate family, which I didn’t even realize. So I am working on all of this while you are too. Last week while we were away skiing, it was as simple as saying I didn’t want to ski for a full day and therefore didn’t get a pas for the day. I almost went along with it to be the fun Mom, but realized after 3 full days of skiing and being super sore this really wasn’t what I wanted to do.  I would have been resentful instead of “fun” and it would have backfired for sure. I could be “fun” again tomorrow. Well, what ended up happening was that Ella decided after a few runs that she didn’t want to ski anymore, and wasn’t feeling great and needed a down day. It also was a wet, snowy day and the guys quit early. Maybe it was mother’s intuition on why I didn’t want to go. Trust those instincts and take care of You. As some smart lady once said, “give from your saucer and not your teacup”. You will be a better wife, mother, friend and business associate when you take care of You first. You will also teach your family, friends and clients how to set healthy boundaries around their time and together we will create a more empowered society! Ya!