Happy New Year!
I am honoured to be a part of your amazing journey for 2014! Together, let’s create more joy, more peace and more happiness! It all starts with you – making the decision and commitment to do it. To live and love life to the fullest!
What can make this hard is when we get in our own way. Our beliefs, behaviours and decisions can take us down paths that make things so much more difficult to have the peace and love we say we really want. I’ve been reading a lot about shame lately. If you haven’t read Brene Brown’s book “I thought it was just me”, I highly recommend it. I believe it’s one of those must-reads and capable of having a huge impact on society. So much so that I gave a copy to all of my clients for Christmas 🙂
In her book, Brene explains what exactly shame is and how we, as women, do it to each other. Shame is those feelings we have after another person judges or criticizes us. This leads to feelings of not being good enough and worthlessness. After I started reading this book, I noticed shame everywhere. In people’s comments, in the way they speak to each other and interestingly enough – on Facebook!
I noticed awhile ago for myself that if I was feeling off or a little down, I would feel even worse if I went on Facebook. I would see other people celebrating their successes, which on a regular day would be fun and exciting, but on days like this it was depressing to say the least. These were days when I would slip into doubt. Doubt about the future, about paying the bills, about building my business, you name it I felt bad about it. One of those days where you just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn’t understand what this was though, until I discovered Brene’s book. I had Facebook shame! Looking back I was comparing myself to other people and making judgments. I didn’t feel good enough because of where I was at in my own business. I felt bad about myself because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. These feelings intensified after logging on to Facebook.
After reading the book, I also noticed how other people were using Facebook to shame others. Their comments were resentful and hurtful. For example, one person made a negative comment in response to a picture I posted. At first I started to feel a little insecure, like I had done something wrong. My husband didn’t think it was a big deal, so then I had shame about worrying about it in the first place. What I came to realize though, was that it was this other person’s issue. My picture brought out something she didn’t like about herself. She in turn tried to deflect it back to me by way of an insult. If I hadn’t been so fascinated with this topic at the time, I may have missed it. I caught it just in time, and instead of taking it personally and internalizing it, I was able to see it for what it was and let it roll off my back. Shame is sneaky and can creep in at any time if you let it.
Oh, and here’s a tip – sarcasm isn’t funny. It’s mean and there’s truth to those comments. Be honest. Joking around is great, but be aware of those ill intentions that often accompany sarcasm.
My point in sharing this with you is that shame is everywhere and it needs to stop. We need to start supporting one another and stop knocking one another down. If we want more love and happiness, it STARTS with us. Treat others this way, and most importantly treat yourself with love and kindness. Stop judging everything you do and appreciate every single step – and breath – you’ve had on this planet. You are enough. Always.