This week, I enjoyed a stay-cation while the kids had spring break. It ended up being the best timing for a break 🙂 We’ve had a lot going on lately, which equaled a lot to process. My son lost consciousness at school a couple of weeks ago – he was okay – but it was pretty scary to receive that call from the nurse saying there was something legitimately wrong. Thankfully he had no other symptoms and was fine. We had the best care possible with the laws in California being so stringent after new research was developed on concussions. So we spent the last two weeks at the doctor’s office and the physiotherapist’s clinic for a return-to-play progression. On Monday he will be officially cleared – YAY!!
I’m sharing this with you because it truly scared me. It through me off – in both a positive and negative way. Positive because it made me realize just how fast things can change. With the slip of a hand on the monkey bars, my child lost consciousness. It could have been worse – it always can be – and it made me refocus on my priorities and values. On what means the most to me and how I had lost focus a little on this. It’s easy to lose sight of what we value, especially when we get caught-up in the day-to-day tasks both at work and in our personal lives. The negative being it left a mark. It was scary and I slipped into my typical “take action” mode instead of dealing with it at the core. Taking action was necessary of course, but so is dealing with the emotional aspect of it. I say this was negative, only because this is where the really work lies and it didn’t feel so great. Of course it moved me closer to healing and love, which is ultimately a good thing. I am so thankful for our community both on and offline. There was so much love given and this helped immensely.
I’ve also been juggling with the emotions of a family member going through a serious health issue. My usual “get angry and try to control everything in my environment” just wasn’t going to cut it anymore.
Throw in a husband being out of town for an extended period of time, a busy schedule to juggle, and bingo you’ve got overwhelm.
What I’ve learned through all of the personal development work I’ve done is that you can reframe and shift your perspective from negative to positive all you want, BUT if you don’t deal with the emotions that come up with whatever it is you’re going through or whatever lesson you’re trying to learn, then you haven’t fully resolved it deep down. It’s a cop out. It’s putting a band-aid over it. It will resurface – whether it’s through your health, your relationships or even in your work. If they’re not fully dealt with they. will. linger.
So how do you deal with this stuff? The crap that doesn’t feel good. The pain, the fear, the loss, the grief?
Well, the first is to gain a little perspective. This too shall pass. This phrase alone will provide you with the peace of knowing it will eventually pass. This won’t last forever.
Second, give yourself permission to feel how you feel. From a law of attraction perspective, what we put out we get back. So at first glance, feeling angry or sad seems counter productive. But remember what you resist persists. If you don’t fully deal with the emotion it will resurface. Something interesting happens when you allow yourself to feel. You are loving yourself at such a core level that you are actually putting out that energy instead. The peace that comes with permission and the love that comes with honouring yourself. Much better then the alternative – a band-aid and then ultimately a resurface.
Third, get in touch with that heavy core emotion. Whether it’s sadness or anger. Allow yourself to rage, yell and scream – in the privacy of your own home preferably 🙂 Let yourself cry. Journal your thoughts and feelings. This always helps. Write a letter to the culprit without sending it. Get it all out – all of your angry and frustrated feelings. Let it out.
Fourth, get to the root cause. Whatever your typical pattern is – anger, control, shame, blame, retreat, shutting down, etc. – where did that come from initially? Where in your childhood did you decide to make that your coping mechanism? Then ask why do you do it? There is always a positive intention behind every behaviour. What was it designed to do? This may take some more digging – whether in therapy or specialized coaching. I like to call this the core issue because it’s this belief that you are trying to protect at the core in everything that you do. It wears many disguises and shows up in many different ways, but it’s always this core issue / belief that resurfaces and impacts ALL areas of your life.
Fifth, practice self-care like you never have before. Watch movies, workout, read books, take naps, go for a walk alone like without kids, friends, family or even pets (the beach is my personal favourite). UNPLUG. Take care of yourself fully. Get support from family or a caregiver if you have kids, so that you can really do this. The kids were off all week and the best thing I could do was put them in camp for a day and have our nanny pick-up a few extra shifts. This enabled me to take care of myself and spend quality time with them 🙂
Ask yourself, what do you need in this moment? Today? This week? This is exactly what I did all week. Allowed myself to take care of me. Process some heavy emotions and do what I needed to do. Because what gets to happen when I do this? I am a better wife, mother, daughter, friend and coach. It benefits everyone and most of all myself. It’s the ultimate form of self-love.
Sixth, honour your values. Be clear on what these really are, and say NO to the rest. Live with integrity – which isn’t just doing what you say you’re going to do for other people, this applies to YOU too! Honour what is important to you. Set a great example for the people in your life.
Seventh, do something that makes you smile! We finished off our week with whale watching and I literally had a smile stretching so big it almost hit my ears! We were about 100 yards from two fin whales, which is pretty much unheard of. Do what makes you smile in life. For me, it’s anything on the water.
So this weekend, be kind to yourself. What do you need to do to get in-touch with your emotions and to truly love and honour yourself? You are worth it. This will shift everything in your life – relationships, business and health 🙂